happy birthday to me!

I turned 25 today. And I have been Straight Edge for 9 years now. Or as Champ put it:

old as shit.

straight edge as fuck.

Quite the compliment, if you ask me. The second half, anyway.

No idea what's going on tonight. Everyone's broke. Haha. Maybe board games at the Forsacks'? I wanna do somethin'.

Now, bath and change. Then, out.

i've got to . . .

SUCK IT THE FUCK UP.

chokehold lyrics.

Whelp. Knocking on wood isn't worth shit. Ha. I suppose I knew that beforehand, though; 'cause praying ain't, either.

The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits, but not when it misses. - Francis Bacon

Guh. I'll stop being melodramatic. Things aren't terrible. My weekend was pretty great. But this morning was rough, to say the least. Questioning my career choice again. And It breaks my heart to admit that the kids may not be enough to keep me (t)here anymore.

I honestly don't know what to do. I don't know if I can force myself into the classroom-shaped Typical Job mold. But I don't necessarily think I can/want to rely on what limited artistic talent I have for income. And I dunno how many other options I have short of working at a fast food joint/retreating into the woods with a dog and a potter's wheel/jumping off a building.

Really, I've just been listening to too much Chokehold. If such a thing were possible, I mean.

Still hating money. Biggie and Puff were right on. More money = more problems. And there's never enough, it seems. But enough for what? More shit? More junk to fill my closets? A townhome that's entirely too big for me? A nicer car? Better teeth?

All out of vanity and want as opposed to necessity.

And then there's the fact that I'm procuring this 'shit'--if you will--with nothing more than 6.14 × 2.61 × 0.0043" slips of fucking PAPER that somehow serve as tangible representations of my coherence, work ethic, ability and, in turn, my eligibility to earn (more) things.

Really? Seriously?

My brain is hurling itself against the walls of my skull right now. Maybe I can take another sick day tomorrow. Ha.

I've got the feeling there's a lot more I should be writing--like how I've been craving a run lately--but I'm exhausted. And I should make myself dinner.

on the up-and-up.

Presently, I am knocking on wood because things are kind of fucking great. Haha. I would be the perfect atheist if I weren't so superstitious, right? Case in point: I refuse to see the Tutankhamun exhibit running in Atlanta because I don't wanna die in some freak fucking accident after I get the King Tut Curse voodoo all over me. Blegh.

No thanks.

On another note--and the primary reason I'm in such good spirits--I've made some of the most amazing new friends in the last few months. They're the (kind of) people I should've surrounded myself with from the get-go. I suppose if I hadn't been plagued with fake, fairweather friends until now I wouldn't appreciate these new ones quite so much. Really, though, I'm a lucky girl.

Little sis's birthday is Sunday. Mine's Wednesday (AGH). I still don't have plans. Haunted House + Harmony sounds like the perfect outing to me, but some of my most favorite people also happen to be scaredy cats, so I might have to settle for bowling instead.

Holly-ween with the kids and Judy, as usual. I think I'll go as a witch. I've got a cute, black party dress I can wear. All I need is a pointy hat! None of that skin-tight, booty-showing garbage, either. I'm a classy witch, thank you.

I'm wasting time. Hahaha. I should be at Rachel and Stan's! Going now.

whatever i can get.

It's 7:00 and I just got home from work. I'm pooped.

I used the heat in my car for the first time last night. Today was cold and overcast. I am so excited.

I saw Champ for a minute at Have Heart/Blacklisted/Ceremony. I miss him already. The show was amaaazing. So proud of my best friend; I couldn't stop smiling the whole set.

Harmony tomorrow? Birmingham Saturday, maybe?




I don't fuckin' know. My brain is not functioning right now.

it's inevitable.

I am in an excellent mood in spite of some unforeseen happenings.

I'm beginning to wonder if it's because I haven't taken my meds in almost two weeks. I have way more energy than I've had in months and months. And I don't feel like eating everything within a five-foot radius of my person.

Champ is home tomorrow for a minute; I couldn't be more excited. And school has gone better today than it has in weeks. What a relief.

There's really only one thing weighing on me, and I'm really not even all that concerned. Probably because it's what I expected. Ha. The usual outcome, if you will.




One more class. Staff meeting. And then I'm home. Another nap, probably. And maybe I'll head into Atlanta for a minute--I got an advance on my birthday money, so I'm not bound to College Park anymore.

Speaking of money: I need a credit card. Ugh.




To work.

EDIT:

Told ya it'd look better painted up. I'm not 100% happy with it; but I'm never 100% happy with any of my artwork.

All I can think about is getting tattooed. Which sounds so fucking lame. I kind of hate people who constantly talk about getting tattooed, what they want done, etc., especially when they have few-to-no tattoos as it is. But it's true. And I'm going to be poor again in no time.

I have $60 in checking and $20 in savings.

I don't get paid until the 31st.