sloppy seconds.

(I) Don't smoke
Don't drink
Don't fuck
At least I can fucking think

told you i'd write again.

Dear Fulton County Faculty and Staff,

As you might have already heard in the news, Governor Perdue recommended yesterday that teachers and other employees be furloughed three days this school year. This announcement comes at an unfortunate time, especially as we prepare to begin a new school year in less than three weeks.

The school system’s 2009-10 budget already has reduced many employees’ workday calendars by 5-20 days as a cost-saving measure. With the governor’s announcement, we are now faced with implementing a similar furlough to our teachers and others who were not affected by the previous workday reductions. Employees who already have experienced workday reductions are not impacted by this new furlough.

I have communicated with school board members and other system leaders to determine how our expenditures can be reduced without negatively impacting our focus on students. Based on their input, I will be recommending to our school board that teachers take these three furlough days during preplanning week, August 3-7. The specific furlough days will be decided by each school’s principal to allow flexibility for the activities already scheduled. School administrators will contact teachers directly to share the week’s new schedule and start dates. Non-teaching staff who are impacted will have their furlough days decided by their principal. The school board is expected to take formal action on the new workday calendars next week.

The good news is that our 2009-10 budgeting process allowed us to keep most full-time staff employed and that we were able to avoid lay-offs and other personnel reductions faced by other metro Atlanta school systems. While not ideal, participating in this furlough will help keep our employment continuity.

Governor Perdue also plans to cut funding to school systems by an additional 3 percent this year. This represents a $7.6 million reduction in our Quality Basic Education (QBE) funding. While we understand the economy’s continuing effects on state funding, this requires that we again examine our spending and allocation of resources. I will be working with our school board and system leaders as to how this reduction will be addressed in our current budget.

Thank you for your support and understanding. We are doing everything possible to meet our school district’s budgetary needs with the least amount of impact on students and staff.


Sincerely,

Cindy Loe, Ph.D.
Superintendent

this might get me in trouble. fuck it, though.

To: Kelly's got the St...

Date: Jul 27, 2009 12:26 PM

Subject:

Body:

http://martynemko.blogspot.com/2009/06/white-teacher-speaks-out-what-is-it.html

what do you think about this? if you take it from his viewpoint and don't write it off as racism but rather frustration i think it's pretty interesting.

___________________________________

To: Kelly's got the St...

Date: Jul 27, 2009 12:56 PM

Subject:

Body:

appearantly the essay originaly was published in a racist magazine so nevermind [sic]. i'm currently reading through this

http://martynemko.blogspot.com/2009/07/nation-of-cowards-about-race-full.html

though where the author of the blog picked out the interesting comments made on his post

___________________________________

Date: Jul 27, 2009 1:31 PM

Subject: RE:

Body:

The essay is un-fucking-believable. And totally one-sided. I could hardly finish it. You know what white kids are like; they're just as ruthless and cruel and stupid, only they're underhanded about it. Sneaky. We have adult friends who exhibit the same behaviors. Frankly--and this is only applicable if you take that particular stereotype at face-value--which habit is more admirable? Kids who act like shits secretly, cowards; or kids who act like shits to eachother's faces? And that's only one of the blatantly racist, backwards generalizations in that essay. There are hundreds more.

The bottom line is, my kids [and I've taught at both secondary and elementary levels] aren't like that. I know from personal experience that what he wrote is full of widely sweeping statements. So severely exaggerated that it can be interpreted as a lie. And it's straight up racist. Any achievement gap is a direct result of close-minded, bigoted, stubborn fucking assholes like him somehow crashing their way into our school systems. And either sitting in the same schools for decades, grumbling about their crazy black students, or peacing out after a year and leaving kids with no consistency and the idea that they aren't good enough to keep their teachers around. Bullshit. On a personal note, it's pieces of shit like them that make me dig my heels in that much deeper.

I understand where the guy's coming from (the blogger), but I fucking hate when white people, especially white middle-aged men--otherwise known as the most privileged, secure demographic in America, if not the world--try to empathize with another minority, whether it be ethnic, sexual, economic, etc. No offense, by the way. And I do mean empathy--the intellectual identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitudes of another--not sympathy; although I have similar feelings about a member of the majority, 'feeling sorry,' for any minority. I understand he's coming from a good place and trying to be noble and progressive. But it is literally impossible for him to tactically, intellectually, historically understand what any minority has been/will go through, particularly black Americans; their experiences are so deep-rooted in such a long, negative past. It's unfathomable for him. For me, too.

I don't know. It's wildly offensive. But I guess see where he (the blogger) is coming from. I think it's a failed attempt, though.

How brainless must you be to try and start a positive dialogue about the achievement gap between black and white schools with an essay published in a racist periodical? He could've referenced hundreds of other publications--Paolo Freire's Pedagogy of the Oppressed or Education for Critical Consciousness or American Education by Joel Spring. Why would you present a biased, white man's account of, "the trenches," as he calls them, instead of approaching the issue and possible resolutions from the troubled side; the underprivileged, underachieving students' point of view? When earlier in the post you reference, "politicians and education leaders (who also are politicians) spouting lofty rhetoric," as being the only source of--as yet unsuccessful--solutions to the percieved problem? They are one in the same: biased, overprivileged members of the majority with little or no capacity to empathize with a minority group such as this. Or, in the case of the essay-writer, blazing unwillingness to identify with the minority.

THAT is the problem. The root. Looking to the--concious or unconcious--oppressor, the facilitator, the antogonist for the answer. And ignoring still the, 'victim,' so to speak.

EDIT:

RE:

the language in the essay is not only degrading towards blacks/minorities but he also uses words that imply white power, like using the word "kinsman" when he talks about teaching kids who stayed after regular hours i.e. white kids. which sucks because while he may bring up valid points his argument is completely destroyed with the attitude he uses to convey the points. the essay also ignores that it's not a black problem, it's an unmotivated student problem that stretches to all races which ruins it's credibility. i think if he made it racially ambiguous and said "what it's like to teach inner-city students" rather than "black students". the blogger is also wrong in unfortunately trying to start a discussion about closing the education gap between races by using an essay that doesn't address that issue at all and instead basically says black kids make for bad students.

one thing i think either the essay or one of the comments in response to it mentions is the desire of a black-majority classroom's willingness to be taught by a teacher of a different race. do you think that happens? is that ever a problem for you? do you think it would be if you taught high school? i think it's important that younger kids have clasroom etiquette and respect for the teaching staff instilled (mosh) in them so they can carry that on into their later education. you would know better than i would but i would be willing to bet that the breakdown in discipline that occurs in high schools (the video i link to later talks about students controlling the classroom rather than vice versa) stems from a lack of discipline in a student's developing years.

i agree with what you said in the second message you sent about turning to the out of touch legislators and education leaders for solutions. i don't think that a person sitting in their office on capitol hill can create a solution to the problem, no matter what their skin color is. which is why i like this video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZYATp71R20&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.b9board.com%2Fviewtopic.php%3Ft%3D634367%26postdays%3D0%26postorder%3Dasc%26start%3D100&feature=player_embedded

where teachers in high-poverty districts place blame on parents, students, teachers, administration, curriculum, etc. basically the entire system. i was reading another article that when someone actually asks the students why they think there is an education gap, the students say it's because they're taught less. i think that's a very valid and overlooked issue. school districts with students deep in poverty expect them to be dumber, so they challenge them less and set the curriculum lower. do you think that is a valid assumption?

i kind of feel like i'm talking out of my ass since i have no experience in high-poverty schools or teaching in general but oh well. i don't know why i'm interested in talking about this in the first place but i knew you'd be good to discuss it with and have a lot of things to say about it.

this is another comment from the blog post that i like that while aknowledging the problems in high-poverty districts the essay mentions still manages to call the author a racist and awful teacher.

"As a white male who moved to the Mississippi Delta to teach black kids, I witnessed much of what Mr. Jackson writes about. Yet, I am appalled. It is obvious that he had contempt for his black students and I'm sure they knew it. These are not the words of anyone who has any business teaching America's youth. My experience in the Delta was very difficult. Like Jackson, I faced a situation where apathy, violence, and irrational behavior ran rampant. Every day, students entered a learning environment riddled with internal and external distractions. However, I cannot accept the picture that Jackson paints. My room was extremely diverse - and I don't mean racially (all of them were black). I had nerds, suck-ups, jocks, class clowns, musicians, bullies, book worms, thugs, etc. Not all of them worked hard for me all the time, but they all cared because they knew I cared for them. They didn't want to disappoint me. In my final year at the school, 13 of my 29 students tested into the honors program for the following year. They worked their butts off for me and they were rewarded with a chance to have a better learning environment, a better education, and a potentially better future. There were about five students that were in danger of failing my class, and they stayed after school everyday the second half of the year to get help. True, I had to chase some of them down from time to time, but they did the work and all of them passed (One of them earned a B his final quarter- his first ever). I had meaningful relationships with all of my students that extended beyond my classroom walls. There were fights in my classroom. There was occasionally disorder. There was frustration from both me and my students. I had to deal with pregnancy, drugs, and weapons at one point or another. They didn't always like me, and God knows I didn't like all of them all the time. However, they were my kids and it was my responsibility to give them everything I had."

___________________________________

RE: RE:

First of all, I'm genuinely impressed by everything you just wrote. That's not to say I had low expectations. I really didn't know what to expect. Haha.

To answer some of your questions, my acceptance as a teacher in predominantly black schools differed between elementary and high school. But for different reasons than one might expect.

In high school, most of my students accepted me immediately and/or had no reservations about learning from a white teacher. Some, however, were skeptical. One was flat disrespectful, but was highly unmotivated, troubled, and tactless across the board. My race did augment her disrespect, in that case.

At the elementary level, a huge majority of my students--and I have nearly 600 of them--are either oblivious to the color of my skin entirely or honestly believe I'm black. Some of them understand the difference in our colors, but are never swayed or disrespectful as a result. They might crack jokes sometimes, though.

The striking similarity--and the thing upon which I pride myself--is my students' recognition that I genuinely care about them and give them every bit of my effort. Several students I taught at Carver High School went out of their way to express sincere appreciation for the interest and care I took in them and their educations; a few even openly defined the difference in motivation--or lack thereof, respectively--between myself and their classroom teacher. And she was, in fact, black. Just another example of race playing a much more limited role in teacher/student relations than most assume. I feel safe in saying that a teacher's sincerity and determination--or total disregard, in the case of the essay-writer--trump any outward appearance.

In regards to etiquette and classroom/student management, I totally agree and I'm a huge believer in simple, to-the-point rules, high expectations, and avoiding external motivators. In other words, I'm anti-Treasure Box, pro-positive verbal reinforcement and defining clear student-teacher/child-adult relationships. My kids know exactly what the rules are, exactly what's expected of them; they know that I am the adult in the room and that I genuinely care about every one of them, at the same time. I want my students to do the right thing because it's the right thing, not for candy or a toy or a sticker.

They're sharp. Even the little ones. They pick up on so much. They're incredibly observant and intuitive. I mean, how could they not be? At that age you're poised, built to soak up as much information as possible, as quickly as possible. That's human nature. That's how we're made. So when shitty teachers have shitty attitudes, low expectations, and no loyalty to those kids, they know. And who in their right mind, no matter what age, would respond positively to that? Who would behave for someone who harbors really hurtful, negative feelings about them? No body. That being said, I absolutely believe that the assumption that students perform poorly when they are held to poor standards is an accurate one.

You're not talking out of your ass at all. Haha. You still have experience with the public school system, just from the other side. I'm sure you had teachers you knew didn't care. Teachers you knew were devoted to you and your education. And you probably performed differently, accordingly for both. The things you said are actually really insightful. I'm excited you approached me with this.

And I love what the teacher in that quote at the bottom said. That's exactly how I feel. Especially the reference to every student being totally different, in spite of their color. It's so true.

__________________________________

UGHHGHGHHH!!! So much more I could say. I just have to stop or it'll never end.

Hahaha. Anyway.

If you hate me now, good on you. Do what I do and then we'll have a real conversation.

Supposed to be cleaning house. Not, obviously.

Ru San's with favorites last night. Pete Kelly is hysterical. I love him.

I should get to worrkkk. I'm sure I'll write more later.

egypt is like the shitty apartment of the world.

So, the shit that just came out of Pete Kelly's mouth whooped the previous post's ass for funniest quote of the day. Made it with six minutes left!

How would I go about getting legitimate beef

with Death Row Records?

What? WHAT?? Sksndmfvoirng. Sooo ffuunnnyyyy.

:D

Today has been weird. But really good. Got no sleep last night, don't even care.

A kind of reconciliation. Such a relief. Texting non-stop since.

Other messages keeping a huge smile on my face.

Painted some earlier.

And two of my favorites are on their way here.

EDIT:

Lost three pounds in two weeks, sucka!! Hi, haters!

hill-arious.

Probably the funniest thing I'll hear all day:

Haha. I'm so weird and pathetic. I was just thinking to myself, "I wish I could drink diet coke all day." Like, always have one in my hand.

wide awake.

I can't sleep. Cannot.

I keep getting that awful, tight, panicky feeling in my throat and chest. Punctuated by hot, sinking waves from my heart straight into my guts. This is a rare occurance. I hate it.

Tonight was really good, though. Edited Ryan's drawing/painting. Show. Fellini's. Champ's. Swiped all Ryan's 'tunes.

I'm happy. Honestly. All things considered, I probably shouldn't be. But there are constants keeping me sane.

Akndsfusg.

Maybe I'll paint.

it's like a skinhead watching the jefferson's.

Woke up an hour ago. Haha. I gotta stop that.

Went to a show in Griffin last night. So fucking weird. I had to write a check over--$5.00 . . . ugh--for the fourth time this week because 1) I'm broke and 2) I still don't have my new credit card. It was a waste, though: Eddie and Pete got in a fight during Roam Alone and they shut the show down. Hahaha. I have never seen Pete mad like that. It was unbelievable. Ihop afterwards.

Dinner with Joe was good. It'd been almost a year since the last time we'd hung out. Still makes me laugh. He's quitting his job and walking the Appalachian Trail in March. Six months of hiking. Amazing.

The doorbell just rang on tv and Davey went to the front door. Hahaha. What a cutie-patootie.

Nervous about school starting. Fucking dreaming about it, for goodness sake. But excited, too. I can't wait to see my students and get my room set up.

Speaking of school: my school didn't make AYP for 08-09. The GADOE just--a week before teachers report--announced more budget shortfalls for 09-10. And Obama and Education Secretary Arne Duncan are pushing a competitive grant program for the highest performing schools in America. Does that make sense to you?? 'Cause it sure as fuck doesn't make sense to me. Clearly, those aren't the schools that need help. Anyway. Sort of disheartened. But I/we'll come through it.

Texting a lot lately. Maybe making a playlist for someone soon.

More work around the house today.

hi, my name is sarah. how can i help you today?

Fucking livid.

I haven't been this angry in . . . months, if not years. Truly. So mad I teared up. And that's bad news.

More fraudulent charges made to my bank account. AFTER I cancelled my credit card. Still being made through iTunes. And neither institution is helping me out. Apple can go fuck themselves, telling me I can live chat with someone or report problems through iTunes. I don't fucking have iTunes. The only working computer I have currently is my County laptop.

It's an online program, so support is online.

Said that same thing, worded slightly differently, at least five times. INodisfoigjoireg,dsgjm. Are you trying to give me an aneurism right now?? 'Cause it's working.

It's not like I'm having trouble with the fucking clickwheel on my iPod. Somebody has all my personal information and is attempting to drain my bank account.

What the fuck. Fixin' to reach through the phone.

I didn't actually talk to someone who could/would help me right away--not contact me via email in 72 hours--until I told the third skirt I talked to that I wanted to complain.

Anyway. Early dinner with Joe and a show in Griffin tonight, I think.

skate or die.

Excited to be drawing/painting more lately. Gotta squeeze it in before school starts back. The following pictures are 1) a better photo of Eddie's painting and 2) a drawing (soon-to-be painting) for Mr. Ryan Wood:

Colors still aren't showing up, really. But that's a'ight.

Found lots of interesting junk and scanned it all today. Probably a picture post tomorrow.

Dinner and bed, I guess!

EDIT:

I consistently ruin my line drawings with paint. Haha. So much better at drawing. Wtf.

so, i handed the phone to myself . . .

Today was alright.

I haven't been feeling well. Slept till 2:00. Filed papers. Found a card Eddie S. drew for me on my birthday last year and decided to make him something (I know the picture quality's horrible; always is):

We're swapping paintings this week. I'm excited.

Foundation--aka anyone and (nearly) everyone I give a shit about--leaves for tour in two hours. Guh. I'm happy for 'em, as always. But I'm bummed, too. This is a long one.

I finally got my sewing maching working again and made a pillow this week, too. I like it a lot.

EDIT:

Ta daa!

Ndfiubiowu. Not tired.

sore.

The show yesterday was miserable. Fun, I guess? I just hate the Masquerade. And being there all day is a fucking nightmare. It was hot and chock full of idiots. I definitely ate shit on the stairs, too, and skinned my knees because I'm a clumsy dipshit. Didn't stay for Poison The Well, thinking they wouldn't play any old stuff. Apparently, they played three songs off Opposite of December and closed with Nerdy. Goddamnit. Fellini's afterward.

Speaking of shows--and I can't believe I didn't mention this earlier--me, Pete, and Eddie went to the Unholy/Evergreen Terrace show in Douglasville the other day and Oh My God. Rachel warned me and said being at that venue is like being on another planet. What a fucking understatement. I haven't seen so many flat-brimmed hats, neon t-shirts, and gigantic earholes in one place since like, 2002. And when they started chanting, "CASEY JONES! CASEY JONES! CASEY JONES!" at the end of Evergreen Terrace's set, I'm pretty sure I died instantly from embarrassment. The following conversation ensued:

Why do you think we would play a Casey Jones song?

Because you are Casey Jones!

I am not Casey Jones. And this is not a Straight Edge band. Where were you at the last Casey Jones show in Atlanta? Not theeere.

Oh, and the guys running the soundbooth cut the vocalists off anytime they cussed. Seriously. Ughh. Shoot me.

Anyway. Me and Wood saw Harry Potter opening night at the Purple Dinosaur (refused to wade through Atlantic Station's parking deck; turned out to be worth the extra drive). I liked it, but I haven't read the books. I hear that for those who keep up with them, it was pretty disappointing.

Hung out with Rick again last night and stayed up till 5:00 in the morning. Horrible idea. At least he's hilarious.

Narine's birthday dinner at Chinese Buddha tonight. Maybe out with Rick afterward? Right now, I reeeally want to get back in bed. Heh.

EDIT:

Davey just destroyed my favorite bra. Like, ripped it into four pieces. What a mother fucker. Can't turn my back for five minutes.

EDIT:

Fraudulent charges being made to my checking account? Awesome!

true.

Super irritable lately. But relatively content, too, strangely enough. I guess I feel like I'm back to my old (take-no-prisoners) self.

Yesterday/last night ruled.

Took Davey to my parents' house; he and Felix lost their minds playing. Davey crashed as soon as we got home. Along with the rest of us. Haha. I love my little family so much, it's retarded.

Hung out around the apartment for a little while. Got food. And then went to the movies with Rick. We saw Moon and it was fucking incredible. I'm sure I'll see it again. Then he beat my ass at Scrabble. I was thoroughly embarrassed. I never lose at Scrabble. NEEVVERRRRR!!!! Anxious for a rematch.

More work on Mom's blog. I am pleased. Finally got her .pdf slideshows working. I ♥ Scribd! Doing another home exterior photoshop jobby soon.

Today's been fairly uneventful. But good. Stopped by Whole Foods. Taught Eddie how to rethread bobbins on a sewing machine over the phone. Haha. Now, I'm watching tv. Will probably work around the apartment some. In the mood to make something.

a rebuttal.

Thoroughly fucking irritated.

And what's up Snowball Effect, 'cause you know one annoyance just triggers thoughts about another. Or others, in this case.

How would you respond to someone saying hardcore is childish?

Laugh.

For two reasons: The first being that, in all probability, a party with the audacity to make such a statement lacks the experience or knowledge to place judgment (in this instance, she proved my prediction right). The second being, I just don't give a fuck if other people think hardcore is childish. Why would I? Clearly, it's not for them. And my participation in any subculture is not an attempt to bag anyone's approval. Thanks.

Blah. I was going to write more. But it's pointless. I shouldn't address issues I have with people I actually know on here in lieu of talking to them directly.

nazi zombies.

Davey's acting like a crazy dog and Fat Cat's eating paper. Where the fuck am I?

Finally satisfied my craving for Harmony with my little brother tonight. Delish. And I got a fortune that read:

Tomorrow is a productive day for you. Don't oversleep.

If you know anything about me, you know precisely why I found that hilarious. Naturally, I kept it.

The show last night was interesting, to say the least. The warehouse was practically a ghost town. Chris almost decked the lead singer of Energie, otherwise known as Davey Havok's retarded doppelganger. Hung out at Champ and Wood's afterward and got Chinese Buddha at like, 3:00 in the morning.

Spent the day at Mom and Dad's working on Mom's business blog. Drove myself crazy trying to figure out how to embed her .pdf slideshows in WordPress. Got paaaaid. I think Dooley's on his way over now. Skipping the show tonight.

Dead Snow is ridiculous. So good.

Weird mood. Bed soon.

keyhole.

Why are the bottoms of my feet always filthy by the end of the day? Black flips, maybe?? Ugh. It's embarrassing.

I've slept so badly since I moved back up here. Not sure why. Last night was no exception. I am turning my phone off and the temperature in my apartment way down. Determined to get a good night's sleep.

Today was nice. Spent it by myself. Whole Foods. Shopping. Met a cute boy with a boston. And then an unusually short show. It was fun, though. I know I'm biased, but I love Foundation. Took Narine home afterward and talked for a while.

Starved for a cuddle. Nothing else, thanks. How pitiful?

Time for bed!!

this contest sucks!

Davey killed the magic duster. Wtf.

Attempting to guide Brandon through his Early Childhood Education experience. Haha. Probably scrambling his brains in reality.

Currently researching used cars (otherwise known as active procrastination) because mine is falling the fuck apart. Literally. One of the wheel well covers popped off a few weeks ago; it's just chillin' in my trunk. Noticed rubber piping hanging off the bottom of my passenger side door, which explains the door ajar light being on all the time now. And todaaay, I had to pry the cupholders out of the dash with my house keys. Yaaayyy!! Fuck you, car!!! HAHAhahaokihssdihgoisrnl!!!!

Anyhow. Looking at Audis, Volvos, BMWs, and Volkswagens. Apparently, I've developed an affinity for European cars? It's really just that they don't make hideous wagons and hatchbacks. Those I'm fond of. For sure.

Picked up a little breakfast at Whole Foods earlier and grabbed lunch for later while I was at it. Fried chik-n-tofu (precisely what my fat ass needs . . . ), indian rice, and chickpea salad. Yummm.

Blah blah blah. I should be unpackingggg.

dude, just drop it!

Davey is licking the pillows on my couch? Whatever. . .

This July 4th was not the patriotic extravaganza I hoped it would be, but it was pretty fun. Douglasville with the family, where I learned a new card game; long nap; Champ and Wood's; Fellini's; and now I'm home.

Yesterday was fucking weird. Just weird. I mean, how else could you describe your ex boyfriend showing up at your house with a freshly-sucked hickey on his neck? Hahaha. Marginally disrespectful, maybe. But I ain't mad atcha. Coffee with Dooley later. Picked Sten up and went to Chow Baby. So good. Sten is hilarious.

I have got to finish unpacking. Ugh. I have so much shit. I don't even know how I accumulated it all and where the fuck I've been hiding it successfully for the last seven years.

Blogspot spell-checker is an idiot.

fuckin' dog.

Scott did such a good job. An apple to commemorate surviving my first year of teaching and a memorial tattoo for Parker. Could not be happier:

I literally did a double-take when he told me how much and he kept me laughing the whole time. Amazing. The fit is perfect; I think my arm is coming together nicely.

Excellent sleep last night. Hilarious early morning conversation via text.

Nothin' to do today except unpack and hang with Dooley later, I think.

Now, breakfast!!

popeye.

A phone call this time. What is going on?

Walk-through done. She said the place looks really good.

Flying Biscuit for breakfast.

Getting tattooed at 6:00.

truce.

Up early. Don't want to be. But I have to get to the final walk-through at my old place. Did so much work there yesterday. All my possessions are officially here and that dump is spotless.

Saw Transformers. Typical sequel; wasn't as good as the first one. And it was so goddamned long.

Not sure what I'm doing today, but I've got company.

Blogs are fucking stupid. They really are. Just a vessel for total bullshit and an open invitation for criticism. I've thought recently about deleting this thing and making a private one. Clearly, I don't write for anyone else. Nothing I say in here is particularly interesting or provocative. I don't use it for evil. I use it for boring. I mean, I think I've published one remotely aggressive post in the last six months and I confronted said party the next day. It was over with.

Pointless.

I'm not a hateful person. I'm not spiteful. I'm not. Although that seems to be the general consensus about me as a result of a formerly shit attitude. It takes so much energy. It's ironic how things are unfolding, I guess; I've thought so many times about attempting to offer some kind of consolation to you--even in the face of refusal and flat out contempt--because so many of the things you're dealing with are eerily similar to circumstances I dealt with. At the same age. In the same order.

I'm sure that'll all be interpreted as prideful or presumptuous. Like I've got some kind of holier-than-thou affliction. Oh well.