preoccupied.

I haven't posted in so long. It's a good sign, I think.

The last few months have gone really well. Strangely well. I mean, there've been the usual trials and tribulations, but the good is far outweighing the bad.

I'm seeing more and more in my life that just maintaining a positive attitude can get you through anything. And you'll be rewarded for your positivity. It's kind of uncanny. It's so simple it sounds dumb.

My curriculum support teachers have decided to feature me on the homepage of our FCS Art Department website. I almost started crying when they told me. They asked me to write a short bio, came and took pictures. I've been checking the site obsessively since to see if it's posted. Everything's clicked this year. I've worked unbelievably hard the last three years to get here. And while none of it's for recognition or for status, it's still nice that someone noticed. The fact that I love my job makes it even better.

We went to Olive Branch last weekend to meet his family. It went really, really well. I'm still blown away. This kid came out of nowhere. I've never been more content. Making plans now I never thought I'd make.

I want chocolate.

I feel like I should write more. Meh.

he told me he loves me.

This weekend was amazing. Best in a long time.

School is going well. The kids have been back for three weeks now. Starting our first projects this week. Super excited:

K: Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus Geometric Shape Pigeon Portraits
1: Robert Indiana Pop Art Initials
2: Hundertwasser Landscapes
3: Paul Klee Warm/Cool Color Abstract Portraits
4: Warhol/Lichtenstein Pop Art Food Posters
5: Color Wheels and Vincent van Gogh Color Scheme Sunflowers

Everything falling into place. Content.

hi, hater(s).

It's uncanny the shit people come up with and the things they'll believe, 1) without considering the source and 2) somehow completely ignoring their own preexisting biases. That's some fucking talent. If you've never had more than a handful of conversations with someone, suffice it to say you don't KNOW them and probably shouldn't make judgments about their character, especially all out in the open like that. Way to show your ass.

I don't know how many times I can reiterate how completely untroubled I am by other people's negative opinions of me, particularly the opinions that are altogether unfounded--or in this case, founded in some resentful bullshit. I am comfortable with myself. I'm proud of my accomplishments and well aware of my shortcomings. And I don't have these letters tattooed between my fingers for nothing. The only person that ever gets me down on myself is me. Never the collective You. Trust.

Was pissed. Now I'm amused. Anyway.

I completely forgot about the four-way tie in putt putt last night; 57's all around! So much fun.

Hung out in my classroom today and space planned. Went to the dollar store and Wally World for some bargain-priced provisions. I found the coolest kids paper-making kit for $5.00 at Wal-Mart. I'll probably go back and get a couple more. Going again tomorrow. Lesson planning tonight. I am unbelievably excited about this schoolyear. Third year is a charm!

An hour on the phone? So weird. Like I'm 16 again. Maybe Chattanooga together next week???? And an invite to MS around my birthday/Thanksgiving. I am a happy girl.

I can't decide what to have for dinner. All I can think about right now is orange juice.

a life less plagued.

I fuckin' hate ebay. With a passion.

My friends and family, on the other hand . . .

Champ loved his birthday present. I was so excited.

Both shows were amazing. Waffle House after Tigers Jaw. Blake and I ordered pizza and caught up on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon last night. Spent the day together today; Soul Veg, Pirate's Cove with Geoff and Brian, Chappelle's Show. Sweetest boy.

Visited Mom and Dad Sunday. Pa Bernie and Bernice were in town. He's not doing well. But I'm not nearly as close to him as I was to Grandma Dottie. Not by a long shot. Frankly, I harbor some resentment towards him. Too little, too late type shit. Anyway.

Bought an XXL Coca-Cola shirt for $9.00 at Target yesterday. Cut it up and sewed it into a tank top. I like it a lot.

Working in my classroom tomorrow, I think. Dollar Store, here I come.

Tiiired.

i have california gurls stuck in my head.

I caught myself smiling while I was mending a pair of shorts today.

Things are back to normal. I am happy.

Busy weekend coming up. And the school building opens Monday. I imagine I'll be in my classroom a few days next week.

Working on Champ's birthday present and cleaning house.

fin.

Seriously considering abandoning this blog.

Heartbroken.

Fuck Donald Wakeford.

english.

Busy couple of weeks. Finished camp with the little kids. We had a beach party with popsicles and watermelon. I never realize how much we actually get done until it's all up on the last day. They did a goood jooobbb.

Spent the weekend with this handsome thing. Woke up to the second picture Saturday morning. Could not stop laughing.


Dropped Davey off at Kevin's Monday morning and headed for Chattanooga. Mama was at the house, too. I've been up there almost every week since they moved and my mom always puts me to work. Went shopping and hung this in their kitchen. Everyone liked it a lot. Watched one of the prettiest sunsets I've ever seen on the back porch with Mama the night I got there, too. And the train whistles never get old.

Came home today. Drove straight to Blake's. We stayed in and watched the first season of 30 Rock.

Things are going surprisingly well. I told him the other day that if he hadn't come along when he did, I'd be a lot worse off over my grandmother. He may be the sweetest, most genuine person I've ever met. But he's a smart ass, too. And he doesn't mind that I like time to myself. He's a good boy.

Getting excited about school starting. A month from Friday. Fielded some ignorant--albeit typical--questions from a family friend about my students and where I teach earlier today. "I mean, are they talented? Are they good at art? I can't think of a single black artist!"

"That's funny. I teach my students about lots of African and African-American artists. I like giving them something to relate to." What I really wanted to say was more like, "Just because your sheltered white ass has ignored black art and artists for the last 50 years doesn't mean they don't exist, you fucking idiot." Ugh. I could've named ten prominent artists of color--women included--off the top of my head.

Anyway. I have a bunch of new lessons in mind that I'll probably start writing up over the next few weeks.

Fuck. I almost forgot: we didn't make AYP this year. I won't get into that now; else I'd be writing/ranting for days. There may be a chance to pull it off once we get our summer retest scores in. Here's hoping . . .

Also, I am pleased that Roy Barnes took the Democratic primary. But now he's in for a hard fight. Pleased that turncoat Kathy Cox is out of office at the end of this term, too. Possibly the worst State School Superintendent in Georgia history.

I imagine I should go to sleep. Crossing my fingers no one comes knocking on my door in the middle of the night.

Maybe I'm not ready for this . . .

happy birthday to you.

Last night was insane. I haven't laughed that hard or come that close to spitting my drink out in months and months.

Painted this for BT:


Not finished just yet. Weeeiiirddd, right? That I didn't finish a painting? No matter! He likes it a lot so far.

Mom commissioned me to do a pencil drawing of my sister, too. She's got one I did of myself. One Jamie did of Kev. But none of Jamie and she wants to hang them together in the new house. I'm excited. It'll be a challenge; I haven't done anything realistic in a while.

Fuck the Lohans. What a bunch of delusional morons.

Kisses on the head?? Yes, please. Wowowow.

Attn JKD: I miss you, too.

green eyes.

For the first time in . . . Wow. What timing. Of course my ex boyfriend texts me the instant I start to type this. Haha. Oohh, the irony. My cell phone dings at the stroke of every key!

Like I was saying: for the first time in two weeks, I'm okay. I'm really good, I think.

My Grandma Dottie died a week ago yesterday. And while I'm on the subject, fuck diluted language like, "passed away;" I hate what the general public does to soften the things they're afraid of.

She was one of my best friends. It hit me so hard. I don't know if it's really sunk in. Or if it ever will. I only realized a few years ago that my grandparents won't be my kids' grandparents. Ha. That was a strange revelation, and a little tardy. I don't think I slept for three days. And at one point in the week, I was texting Eddie saying things like, "I did everything right. I graduated from high school, got a degree, career, a $**,*** salary, a new car. But that shit doesn't keep my grandma from dying. Or my parents one day."

Ugh. It's awful feeling like that and saying those things and really believing that it's not going to get better. Especially for me. Because it's not me. He sent me a really nice card, by the way. He picked it out himself. He's a good friend.

I can definitively say that I am not afraid to die. I'm really not. But I am horrified by the idea of surviving everyone around me. Watching everyone that means something to me drop dead. That I know about myself. THAT is nearly paralyzing.

Enooough. The service was really nice. My aunt had her high school yearbooks and all these amazing old photos out. My dad did the eulogy; it was so good. I didn't view the body. How morbid? And archaic. I hate funerals. They are baffling and the history of them? Is just bizarre, superstitious bullshit.

Mom and Dad moved to Chattanooga last weekend. I drove up and helped unpack for a few days. Spent the 4th with them, Jamie, and Kevin. I really like their new house. It feels like home. I like that it's close enough for a day trip, but far enough outside of Atlanta that it manages to feel like an escape. I don't mind leaving my laptop at my apartment and forgetting about my phone while I'm up there.

I love it when my cat sleeps with her paws over her eyes.

Last night and today were really, really good. Surprisingly good. When it's the last thing on your mind, sometimes it comes along.

A couple of unexpected texts today. Some mixed cd and book-trading planned in the near future. Excited.

Camp this week. I've got the little kids this time around. They are fascinating. And hilarious. Speech impediments are highly entertaining. As are whispering and/or yelling things for no apparent reason.

Speaking of camp: I should get to bed.

The only person who never criticized me is dead. Fuck it.

busy bee.

Finished the shadowbox. I like it:


First day of camp went really well. We made Gustav Klimt pattern portraits (I'll post puctures tomorrow) and Robert Indiana Pop Art initials. The kids did such a good job. I think I'm using both those lessons in my FCS classroom in the fall. I'm excited.

Made a Student Work album on Facebook.

Went out with BT last night. And he came home with this big boy:


I stopped by to check on him this afternoon and this is how I found him. Haha. Loungin' around. He's huge. The sweetest, most mellow dog I've ever met in my life. If BT hadn't taken him, I would have. I believe his name will be Bosco. I'll take a better picture soon.

My teeth hurt.

Breakfast for dinner. Sorta.

is that a cattoo?

This is my pumpkin plant. It's grown four feet in a week. Haha. I'm running out of room in my tiny patch of backyard. I'll cut it back soon.

First camp all on my own next week. I'm excited. The kids made Haida masks today and they turned out so good. I am consistently blown away by the artwork my students come up with. They rule.

Went out to dinner with Mom, Kevin, and Jamie. Shopping afterward. Mom bought me these:

Love dem.

Dunno what I'm doing tonight. Couple options.

Painted my nails this afternoon. I always fuck one finger up. Alwaaays.

you're an idiot. i hate you.

Every time I think this--whatever the fuck "this" means--is going somewhere, you do something fucking stupid that completely throws me off. Without fail. And I'm not even looking for it to go anywhere?!?!?! Goddamnit.

A conversation that I had with my mother and Mama the other day about my paternal grandfather and his . . . indiscretions . . . further convinced me that marriage is a joke. A sham. It's pointless. It's archaic. The only concrete example of a successful marriage I've ever had is my parents. They're amazing.

Fuck it!

Second day of teaching summer camp was good. Took a long nap afterward.

I need stamps.

hahahahaha.

An excellent visual representation of my friendship with BT.

ugly betty.

I got one of the jobs I applied for. Teaching art camp for kids. Just 6 or 7 students at a time and it's indoors--thank god. It pays reeeally well, too. The job posting was for 14 - 18 June, but the girl asked me to start tomorrow and has two more weeks in mind for me. It's pretty exciting.

The other I haven't heard back about yet, but I may take it if it's offered to me. I'ma be rich.

Mom and Dad's yesterday. Helped Mom pick through the basement. Then the art opening at Young Blood last night; really beautiful stuff. Cafe di Sol afterward and back to BT's. We were supposed to watch Five Minutes of Heaven, but his tv's still not hooked up and we were mesmerized by his new phone. I think we watched Rihanna's Rude Boy video five times. Hahaha.

Interview today. Mom and Dad's again. Twisted Taco with Kev to watch the game. Goddamn the Dodgers.

Back home now. I think I'll get an On Demand movie and hang around here tonight.

Oh, also, Mikaila Carter is a white trash lunatic. Hoooly shit. Entertaining, though.

should've watched the game last night.

Sometimes I feel like I'm living in Bizarro World.

Dinner at The Local and a successful game of Scrabble with BT Thursday night. EATS and Rita's last night. We ran into Eddie and Karina at Rita's. Me and Eddie just started laughing when we saw eachother.

Bought myself that BlackBerry I wanted a few days ago. I like it a lot.

Visited the Botanical Gardens earlier this week, too.

Applied to a couple more jobs.

Going to Mom and Dad's now.

fuck the phillies.

I am bored out of my fucking skull.

I couldn't wait for summer.

One week in and I'm already restless. Ughghghhh.

I was explaining to someone recently that it's nice to have the break, but it's difficult to shift gears from relentlessly busy to (almost) entirely free from obligation.

I have a lot of little projects in mind, though, to keep me occupied. Sewing window treatments. Arranging the shells I collected in Charleston/Kiawah in a shadow box. Maybe even painting a couple rooms in my house? I just renewed my lease. This'll be the longest I've lived somewhere in almost three years. I feel like I ought to make it feel a little more like home.

Mom's losing her mind about the move. They pack up in three weeks.

slowly we rot.

Drove to and from Raleigh last night for Obituary. It was good. But I'm exhausted.

Got a few hours of sleep and then stopped by Mom and Dad's to visit with some family for Memorial Day. Cooked out.

Cleaning house now. Bought new sheets and towels. A new mattress pad. Expecting out-of-town company tonight, maybe. I'm excited.

More traveling soon. I like this. I like having summers off.

I've hated orange juice my whole life. I love it now. No pulp, though. I still hate pulp.

that's all.

I don't know how I haven't posted this yet, but my Donors Choose project is officially funded.

I raised $701.00 for my classroom.

I can't believe how quickly it came together. And that it actually happened. Most of the donors were anonymous and/or complete strangers, too. Unbelievable. So cool.

I want a BlackBerry so I can walk around my classroom while kids are working and input grades with Easy Grade Pro, then sync the data with EGP on my laptop.

Waiting till 4:00 for my paycheck to deposit. I need gas and groceries badly.

Hanging out with Eddie this evening. Dunno what we're doing.

Alabama tomorrow for a few hours. Then North Carolina Saturday for Obituary.

SLkcmoiasdfjwfoig. Bored.

i hope you read this.

If you ever talk to my friend(s) that way again, I'll call DHR on you so fast it'll make your crazy head spin.

jurassic park.

I have done nothing but cook, bake, and sleep the last two days.

So far, I've made penne with marinara and Gimme Lean meatballs, bread, pancakes, and cookies.

All vegan!

I slept 14 hours yesterday and 13 today.

Seven donations in under 36 hours on Donors Choose. Insane. Only $200 or so left before my project is fully funded. I can't believe it. I never thought it would work, but it has. And I'm genuinely grateful.

Hung out with Kevin for a little while today.

Mom comes home tomorrow.

Two days of post-planning this week and I'm done until the middle of August. Could not have come sooner.

What to do for dinner?

i don't know what to do.

I need to paint before my head explodes.

I also need this week to pass smoothly. And quickly.

Today was awesome and horrible.

The kids were nuts--of course--but, as my department head said last week when she visited, "at this point, it's just containment." Haha.

Anonymous donation on www.donorschoose.org/ms.traynor today. $50.00. I couldn't believe it. Some girl from Marina Del Rey, California. Sometimes, the kindness and generosity of strangers baffles me.

Then, a call back from Clothing Warehouse for an interview, and I just applied last night. Hopefully that pans out.

But I got a text from Mom asking to call her when I had a break, and she told me Gramma Dottie's in the hospital again and this time, "it doesn't look good."

Just kill me.

I am completely shut down right now. So I don't freak the fuck out.

tired.

This makes me happy:

So did this:

Boys just annoy me at this point.

I am looking forward to next school year already.

Watched most of this last night with BT. Had to pick Dooley and Krista up at the airport with like, ten minutes left of the movie. UGH. It's reeally good so far. I like it a lot. I told him to put the original Haunting on his Netflix, too. One of my favorite horror flicks.

Also, since I'm terrible at keeping surprises a surprise, this is what I got Eddie V. for his birthday:

An original Metallica Shortest Straw 1988 tour shirt. I couldn't keep my mouth shut about it. I was too excited. It should be here by his real birthday.

I'm exhausted. I am ready for the 21st.

Almost time for a new phone/contract.

Hanging out with Blake tonight maybe? Dunno.

blue skies, green water.

I made this to donate to a charity event Friday night. Drove to Birmingham and back, actually. It went for $85 in the silent auction. Pretty cool, I think. Of course, it makes me miss throwing.

Also, I GOT A MOTHER FUCKING CONTRACT. I have a job. And I'm staying at my school. I was so relieved. I had a bewildered smile plastered on my face the rest of Friday afternoon and I got three high fives on the way back to my classroom. So happy.

Eddie's birthday party yesterday was really fun.

Brunch at Mosaic today. Shopping. And dinner. I love my family.

Two weeks left of school. Motown Review Thursday. Holy shit. Cannot wait. Jamie, Donald, and Mom are all coming.

there's no union.

Now two (possibly three) of my personal friends have lost their Art teaching jobs. In the last week. One from my own district. And another from Paulding County with whom I graduated.

There's also some confusion over RIFed teachers accepting non-renewal or choosing resignation and the implications of each. The information is just surfacing and it's depressing, to say the least: If a teacher accepts non-renewal, she is eligible to collect unemployment benefits. But to prospective employers, a contract that hasn't been renewed, "is like a scarlet letter pinned on a teacher." Huge red flag. Most districts won't consider an application from non-renewed candidates. If a teacher chooses, instead, to resign, she is no longer eligible for unemployment, but her resume is safe.

Fucking bullshit. Just bullshit. There's no other word for it. I already asked my mom today, how many more ways can they fuck us? They being Sonny Purdue and his cronies, that apologist Uncle Tom Kathy Cox, and, in some cases, even our own school districts.

I want to write more about this. There's a lot I want to write. Maybe I will soon. I'm drained for now.

More Field Day tomorrow. Today was fun. We even had a cook out.

i will die with both of my hands untied.

Calling death an "unbreakable appointment," Morrissey was ever the brooding poet in his tribute to Hsu. "Life's only promise is its final deadline. When Mel, and others who are dear to us, depart, we should at least realize as we shuffle along living our small and persecuted lives, how absolutely ridiculous it is to be afraid of anything or anyone on this unhappy planet."

Also, True Life ruined me tonight.

BUT . . . I got two donations on www.DonorsChoose.org today and the Motown Review is coming along sooo well.

Stomach is bothering me. Bed soon.

back to bed?

Yesterday was good. Really, this weekend has been nice so far.

Dinner at Twisted Taco with Mom and Kevin Friday night. It was awesome. Then to Marc's. We watched They Live and American Hardcore and I taught him how to play Scrabble. How any child was raised in a Scrabble-less home is entirely beyond me. We have a fancy wooden board that spins at our house.

Breakfast with Rachel before she started moving out Saturday.

Grocery shopping.

Bought this (it is a dress, thank you; not a jumper):

Got this (these?):

Then went to Sten's art show with Champ. It was amazing. All the Steven Dixey stuff I wanted was sold by the time I got there, though.

The Local with BT afterward. He cheered me up.

Not sure what I'm doing today. I'd like to go shopping with Mom.

They bought the Council Fire house, by the way. The one I posted. They close end of June. I'm actually, honestly excited.

ugh.

ME: D'you like the Braves?

STUDENT: What's that? A movie?

ME: Nah. It's a baseball team.

STUDENT: Oh. 'Cause if it's a movie, we don't have cable. My ma didn't pay the light bill.

ME: Your lights are out right now, huh?

STUDENT: Yeah.

So's the hot water, apparently. Meanwhile, he has brand new shoes on. FTW.

Another (successful) experiment in homemade hot pockets:

4 sweet cre*m cheese and strawberry pockets

2 Gimme Lean sausage and tomato sauce pockets

2 buffalo mock chicken and blue cheese pocket

One of my coworkers sent me her awesome tofu scramble this morning by way of a fifth grade student. I'm gonna take her one'a dem pockets tomorrow.

Today was a looong day. Tomorrow's gonna be even longer. But only 15 school days left. Whew.

Still checking all means of communication with FCBOE incessantly. Tell me somethiiiinnnggggg.

grateful.

My family fucking rules.

They're so hard-working and so supportive. It's awesome.

Also, Obituary in Raleigh, NC with Eddie V. 29 May. Cannot wait.

P.S. I loathe Sarah Palin. She is the modern Avida Dollars.

there's a lemon in my cupholder.

I just made deez!

Vegan hot pockets. Dough from scratch filled with Gimme Lean--sausage style, of course--and my most favorite tomato sauce. They turned out awesome! I am pleased.

Today was fine. I'm worn out, though.

And goddamn the Braves. They're embarrassing the shit out of me right now. My buddy Luke and his little boy might come out to a division game soon, though. I think it'll be fun. I haven't seen him in years.

Bed soon.

Just got home from Inman Park Festival. Walked up and met BT. Nearly passed out from standing in the ATM line for a fucking half hour. But I had the best falafel I've ever eaten and another fresh-squeezed lemonade. So it was a'ight.

Didn't do anything last night. Just slept. And slept really good, too. It was awesome.

Mom and Dad may have found a house. It's really nice. But I feel like Mom is settling. I just want her to be happy--she is picking up and moving for my dad, and leaving her clients behind. I'm excited to visit after they've moved in. It's funny . . it looks like a combination of their last two houses.

Nap? Blah.

Checking my FCBOE email obsessively since Friday. I will have lost my mind by the time they've given me a contract . . . or a pink slip.

Speaking of work, I just registered at Pepsi's www.refresheverything.com and www.donorschoose.org. I'm excited to see if anything pans out.

I'ma make shome shtir fry.

dancing with myself.

Girls overanalyze everything. Everything. Every touch, look, interaction is picked apart and inflated and awarded some kind of in-depth backstory or explanation instead of being accepted at face value. I'm not saying I don't do it, too. I do, I'm sure.

Sorry, The Hills was on. I got sucked in! I hate the way those ding dongs talk to eachother.

Did you kiss him like, "Thanks for dinner," and it was mutual? Or was it like, "I wanna kiss you, but I dunno," and then you kissed?

Jesus Christ.

Out late last night. Finally saw Marc. It was really good.

He let me look through all his sketchbooks. A pile of them. His artwork makes me want to shoot myself. His style is so distinct. And so different than mine. It's one I've never been particularly skilled at; a sketchy, loose kind of drawing that still manages to look polished and dimensional. I don't know. I love it.

Maybe writing for Jordan's new zine? I'm excited.

Where'd the thunder go?? I heard it like, twice this morning. More!

Also, I wish I was in TN.

stister.

Bored. Annoyed. Bad combination.

I just saw a photograph of a girl I was unusually close to a couple of years ago. It actually made me sort of ill. Now, I can't believe I ever knew her, let alone considered her a friend. I suppose it could be argued that I really didn't know her. Neither did anyone else. She's a terrible person. Haha.

Contract announcements postponed. Till when? " . . . early May." Really. That's it. That's all you're willing to tell me (and 11,000+ other FCS employees). Unbelievable.

Watching The Day After Tomorrow. I love disaster movies.

Mom invited me up to Chattanooga. I really want to go. I can't afford it right now.

prove it.

So, how does it feel to be a liar? I mean . . . does it weigh on your mind every once in a while? Or do you believe your own bullshit?

Hahaha. Wow.

Last night was fuunn. Company when I got home. Then Jared and Blake came up. We had Chinese Buddha and stopped by Timeless so Jared could talk to Scott about his leg.

Supposed to hang out with a gentleman I haven't seen in a long time. But, I dunno.

Exceptionally stressed out lately.

That cd fucking rules :) going to the braves game tonight if you wanna come

I'd be there if I weren't completely broke and didn't already have plans. Got dibs this weekend, though.

youth crew.

Uhhh. John was a little tipsy after the house show . . . Hahahaha. Yay for terrible pictures, too.

Got this Sunday afternoon:

It's huge--8.5 x 5.5". And it hurts now. But it wasn't so bad while I was getting it.

Then stopped by BT's while he did a portrait shoot with a buddy of his from work. Walked up to The Local afterward. Boiled peanuts, hushpuppies with malt vinegar, and a big ol' veggie burger. Kill me now. So good.

Got to hang out with Dooley one-on-one for the first time in a while. It was awesome. I miss him.

Made a mix CD. I am pleased with it. Hopefully its recipient will be, too:

1. Snapcase Caboose
2. Inside Out Burning Fight
3. Cro-Mags Don't Tread On Me
4. Indecision Tunnel Vision
5. One King Down Deliver Me
6. Most Precious Blood Heroes and Conspiracies
7. Hatebreed Last Breath
8. Snapcase Breaking and Reaching
9. Integrity Micha: Those Who Fear Tomorrow
10. Cro-Mags World Peace
11. Indecision Save Me
12. Hatebreed Before Dishonor
13. Earth Crisis Ecocide
14. Snapcase She Suffocates
15. Inside Out No Spiritual Surrender
16. One King Down In the Blood
17. Earth Crisis Drug Related Homicide
18. Indecision Burning Saints
19. Indecision Release the Cure
20. Snapcase Zombie Prescription
21. Cro-Mags Malfunction

I couldn't get everything on it I wanted. I suppose I'll have to make another one. Chokehold, Strife, 108, Warzone, and some others on the next. Maybe Youth of Today. Boy Sets Fire. H2O. Some Steps or Lookinglasself Snapcase. Leeway. We'll see. I'm excited, though. Drawing up the cover today.

I am ready for this school year to be over. I need it to be over.

Holy shit. It's pouring.

Mom comes home todaaaay! She got me two prizes.

love will tear us apart.

I have had Joy Division Love Will Tear Us Apart and Shorty Swing My Way alternatingly playing in my head for days . . .

This weekend has been fantastic.

Spent a few hours with EDV Thursday. Good talk. Really good talk.

Watched the game at Midway with BT Friday night; artichoke fritters, holy shit. Then drove to Paolo's for gelato while he wolf-whistled--indiscriminately--at passers-by out the car window. God. Hahaha.

Met my sister, her beau, and a couple of mutual friends at 420 Fest. Had a fresh-squeezed lemonade the size of my head. Nice walk there and back. Then got Fellini's with Jared. He makes me laugh. And his dimples are fucking killer.

House show in Griffin last night was ridiculous. I love house shows. And I love being around people who just don't give a fuck. Who are interested only and entirely in having fun. Also, there was a Firestorm cover. Krystal's afterward and the girl behind the counter definitely, audibly said, "OH. EM. GEE." with a horrified look on her face when 20 trashy hardcore kids filed through the door.

Portraits à la BT today, maybe. And finally meeting up with Scott for my butterfly. Yaahhh! Jared may tag along.

I miss my parents.

OH. One of my fourth grade girls found me on Myspace and sent me a message. I saw it last night and my world immediately came crumbling down. It probably doesn't make sense to someone who isn't involved with children for a living; this is not a good thing.

The message was really sweet. But she's 11 (barely) passing as 17 on a massive social networking site and living in a city notorious for sex trafficking and child exploitation. I considered writing her back and explaining that it's not appropriate for us to be friends on a site like this, or for her to be using it at all. Then I looked at her profile and my heart sunk:

i sometimes don't like my life.

Jesus Christ did it hit home in that moment that she is just a child. I instantly, physically remembered exactly what it felt like to be her age.

I'll talk to her on Monday.

best friends.

Tonight was really, really good.

last dayz.

I am officially, shamelessly, unequivocally obsessed with my hair.

I cut my bangs last night so that I can wear them straight down or to the side. And it's gotten so long that nobody believes it's my real hair, not even my mom. I just wanna stare at it.

Honestly--and despite this post--I'm not real into vanity and appearances; I mean, I like dressing up as much as the next broad, but I've been known to leave the house sans makeup, covered in dirt. And my regular wardrobe is definitely t-shirt and jeans type shit. In fact, I will brag to you about the once-$68 top that I just got for $30 and that I buy my Levi's at Wal-Mart.

Anyway, I've been trying to grow my hair out since I straight up sheared it in 7th grade (I'll see if I can find a picture); it'd grow a little, and then I'd cut it off again. It's also been dyed every color under the sun. Even blue. Woof. This is the longest it's ever been in my entire life, natural color, and I'm super excited about it. I'm even kind of into more grey growing in lately--thanks, Gramma Dottie! Luh yoouu.

Last two nights have been so good, in spite of an early morning tire change, over $400 in auto maintenance, and teaching on two-and-a-half hours sleep today. Holy Taco with BT Sunday night. Watched my friends lose it for Death Before Dishonor and Death Threat last night. Funnn.

CRCT starts tomorrow. Weird, shortened schedule.

Was. Won't. 'Cause you're doing a bang-up job of sabotaging that relationship all by your lonesome. It'll implode and I'll have my summer(s) back soon enough--with little-to-no effort on my part, too! Thank you in advance.

Staff meeting and then the longest, most spectacular sleep in the history of slumber.

happiness is solitude.

I feel like I've had a headache for weeks.

Today was total shit besides hanging out with my mom. And two (really good) phone calls. And drawing.

I can never see what I draw. There's some kind of misfire in the nerves between my eyeballs and my brain and the image just doesn't register after a while.

Either way, I have a love/hate relationship with all my artwork. More often than not, I end up hating everything I make.

Also, could somebody please tell me when a woman grows out of her attraction to fuck-ups/charity cases/sad little boys. Because it ain't happened yet. And I am presently infatuated. Fuuck.

Why is Rihanna the hottest bitch in existence?

Game or bed. I don't know. Back to school Monday.

headache.

I'm in a bad mood. And bored (clearly, or I wouldn't be posting twice in one day).

I just remembered that I had nightmares last night that I couldn't wake up from. I was consciously telling myself I was dreaming and trying to yell. Haha. I wonder if I actually did?

I can't believe there are only six weeks of school left. Last school day is 21 May; Postplanning--which I believe have been deemed furlough days--is 24 and 25 May. Apparently, any employee that is being RIFed will receive notice via post by the last week in April. Sooo, I'll be emotionally unavailable until then. Sorry.

Dad starts work with TVA Monday morning and the house is officially on the market as of 7:30 this evening. Weird. I imagine I'll be in Chattanooga some this month.

top of the third inning.

I just took part in the following conversation with a gentleman that I am particularly fond of but have a really hard time getting in touch with. See if you can figure out why he's so difficult to get ahold of:

ME: Did you call me last night?

HIM: [Who] is this?

ME: ?

HIM: . . . Kelly?

ME: I had a missed call from you at like, 1:30 last night.

HIM: My insane roomate ex took my phone from me last nite i'm not sure who this is? I dont have a name saved to this #. [sic]

ME: Whaaat? I'm confused. Can you call me?

HIM: Yeah i get off at 6. Can u say who u r tho? [sic]

ME: This is Kelly.

HIM: Ok i thot so. She was giving me shit about u did she talk to u las nite? [sic]

ME: I guess? I don't know. I got a text from you--or who I thought was you--sometime last night and talked for a little while. Nothing much. Although 'you' told me that you're back together with *******. Then I woke up and had a missed call. Now I don't know who I'm talking to or who I talked to last night.

HIM: Its me she steals my phone and talks to people as me trying to stir up shit or [see] if im lying/cheating on her. But shes gone too far lately im sure im moving out this weekend. [sic]

ME: Good God. Seriously? Did you even get the text I sent you while I was in Charleston this week? Or did she intercept that one too?

HIM: Nope in fact after that fight we had months ago about us hanging out she deleted u [from] my phone so i havent had ur number.

Are you fucking kidding me? It's ironic that the opportunity to expound upon my distaste for miserable fucking girls--who manipulate their boyfriends in some backwards attempt to make themselves feel better/make everyone around them as unhappy as they--has presented itself, because I've been thinking about it a lot lately. "Abusively clingy," is what Klint calls it. Goddamnit.

The combination of compulsion and desperation and insecurity is . . . disgusting. Don't get me wrong, I've been there before. But only for one boy. And never again.

And for the record, I have never assumed anyone's identity to dig up imaginary scandal or deleted anyone's phone numbers, emails, facebook or MySpace friends. Thanks.

Game's on.

Eatin' grapes and strawberries and nori all day today.

Ha.

Wow. That wasn't completely transparent. Haha. You can leave my identity alone now, thanks.

Slept in, cleaned, watched the game, and drew pictures today. It was pretty alright. Still working on the girlskull thing. Adding details slowly-but-surely (my favorite part). Trying to incorporate ribbon and a scythe maybe? I'm super excited to paint it, whenever I get around to that. It'll be the biggest watercolor I've done yet. If I can find a nice oval frame, I will be ecsatic.

Want to make a shadowbox with the shells I got this weekend.

Detoxing/fasting for the next four days. I've been eating--and feeling--like horse shit lately. I hate it.

Bed shortly.

i'm so excited!!!!

First of all, if I could stop hyperventilating from laughing so hard at this fantastic little shit, maybe I could write a real post:

She's set the bar--pretty high, I might add. I now have a goal for my prospective offspring: quite simply, to be the funniest kid(s) in the Universe.

Braves game tonight was so good--the show and the company. The seats weren't too bad neither; Terrace Level, 4th row, between first and home.

Photo doesn't do the tickets justice.

Anyhow. It was the poifect way to come home. And South Carolina was hard to top:

• delicious food, including but not limited to fried green tomatoes, wild mushroom agnolotti with walnuts and truffle oil, and the best spinach and artichoke soup I've ever tasted in my life;
  

• a pretty impressive collection of shells (see below);
  

• kite-flying personal best;
  

• ghost tour with Marc Redd's doppelgänger;
  

• began reading what has the potential to be a favorite book;
  

• four days off life;
  

• and, of course, time with my family.

I may add more to the list when I'm not up at 1:00 and delusional.

Sleeeeep now.

deadringer.

One of the oldest cities in the U.S. with nearly all of its original buildings still intact. Where Edgar Allen Poe wrote his first published works. On the coast.

My second time here. I'll be back again soon.

Finishing Devil In the White City and started Drood. I really, really like Drood so far.

Back to the beach!