random photo!!!!!!!!!!!

School sucked. Every class was off the walls. Something in the water.

Then, a huge staff meeting about two--possibly three--more furlough days this schoolyear. I think there was a collective, "Fuck it . . . " in the air immediately afterward. I've never seen the parking lot clear out so fast. Ha.

Dinner with Rachel was good, though. We had coffee and ran into Grant and Mickey.

When we were leaving, I got a phone call telling me I've been nominated as Mentor of the Year by a local organization? I was blown away. They asked me to give them some background information (how long I've been teaching/nannying, personal references, etc.) and told me the award ceremony is in March, they'll send me some more information soon.

Crazy. I'm flabbergasted. It made my day much better, though. So did Klint telling me he's, "one of the top fellows in [his] program." Super excited for him.

Fellini's with some gurls.

the workers are going home.

If I don't start my period soon, I'm gonna blow my brains out. Not because I'm late. I'm just PMS-ing hard as fuck lately. I'm pissed that I'm pissed.

Two tattoo appointments this week. Hahaa. I'm an idiot. Scott Thursday. Jason Friday.

My cat is so goddamned cute, it's sickening. Won't stop headbutting me. Ugh.

I don't really have anything to write. Just bored.

fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck.

Terrible mood! For no reason!! EVERYTHING IS AGGRAVATING ME RIGHT NOW!!!!

KLNWSFDOKJIEGFHRE:tlk iclmjo;vkdfmovirhg?!?!?!?!?!?!?

she's the best friend you'll ever have.

Have been to a lot of shows lately. I like it.

Pop punk show earlier this week or last. Title Fight. Witnessed a weird, sloppy, drunken punk rock fight Friday night. Was at the Warehouse for most of the show yesterday.

I actually enjoyed a lot of the bands--the ones I saw. I am excited that Atlanta has such an impressive roster of hardcore/punk bands, in quality and quantity. For a long time there were only one or two acts outta this city and not a lot of draw.

Also excited that the turnout in recent months has been consistent. Tomas was right: this whole thing happens in waves. Good shows, lots of kids for an extended period of time--and then, nothing. Whether over months or years--and I've seen both--it's disheartening when things slow down, but really great when they pick back up again. I think the good attendance right now is a direct reflection of the hardwork being put into that venue of ours. I love it.

More excited still that little Mickey Goodman was 1) moshing with a 40 oz in his hand and 2) stage-diving for Foundation. With his mean face on and everything. Soo good. Could not stop laughing.

Need to write lesson plans. Do not want.

I'ma eat some mac and cheese.

too much, too late.

You're a terrible friend.

As badly as I've wanted to believe you're not, you are. And I pretended hard you weren't.





You broke my heart.

Well, I heard that you got me a birthday card.

But my mailbox still stays empty to go with the empty seat of my car.

And I heard that you've got things to say to me;

I was always good at listening, yet I haven't heard you speak to me.

And I haven't heard you cry in a while, and I don't know if I want to.

And I know something's going to break this time.

Could be the sun in my chest or the cloud inside my skull.

Or maybe, maybe the diamonds in my eyes that I just can't seem to find.

Too much, too much.

We almost built a home, and now it's somewhere I won't go.

Too much, too late.

You used to be my home, and now you're someone I don't know.

Too much, too late.

Too late.

And you? YOU ruined everything.

oh, pleeeaase!

Today was fine. One of my favorite first graders cracked me up today. His name is Kamal and he's nuts. Not bad at all. Just . . . off. He's like a cartoon character. I'm convinced he's from Outer Space. Amazing.

Anyway. I had him passing out pencils in class and he found one that has purple wood. Regular lead, yellow cover, just happened to have purple wood. He immediately started yelling, "It's purple!! It's PURPLE!?!" and proceeded to perform CPR (like the pencil was purple because it couldn't breathe) and chest compressions on said pencil. He also screamed, "Live . . . LIIIVE!!!"

Like, was cupping this pencil in both hands and frowning at it. He pretended to cry and wiped his eyes.

Then, he started break dancing.

Told you he's amazing. I don't think I could make up shit as crazy as what's swimming around in his head.

Dunno what I'm doing tonight. Warehouse, maybe? Right now, I'm snugglin' with my babes on the couch:

KAMNoidurjfoerj. Ready for new hair. Something different. Color, maybe? Shorter bangs. I dunno.

Also, I love Nicki Minaj. IN love with Nicki Minaj. Especially her cameo in Usher's Little Freak.

i'm keeping up with my fucking dog!

Are you? Really? Dude, please . . . don't harsh my mellow.*

That dog wouldn't recognize your toasted ass if you were knocking on their door with the same fervor and desperation with which you send texts.

Lamest--and most transparent--excuse, ever.

Oh, and speaking of high school: smoking weed is fucking embarrassing. Almost as embarrassing as talking and/or tweeting about it.

You're the same idiot today--probably a little worse for wear--that you were a million years ago taking up space at hardcore shows/gettin' railed on TV. Please disappear again. And quick. This shit's starting to lose it's entertainment value.

P.S. Quit yelling, you fucking grown up.

*You're joking, right? Tell me you're joking. (I'm using the word 'joke' loosely here, by the way; very loosely.) Those words actually came out of your bowl-sucking mouth? Who the fuck convinced you that saying shit like that is cool or even remotely acceptable in normal conversation. Like you said, brosef--or whatever weird pseudo-language you use to fit in with your latest group of friends--your five years are up. Get an adult vocabulary. And a fucking anonymous proxy. God.

kill yourself.

Excellent night last night. Out for brudder's birthday. Watching the family do Sake Bombs at Ru San's was relatively entertaining. I love them so much.

Secret Title Fight show afterward. It was short, but awesome. Played my favorite. Hung around the warehouse again for a minute. Then Huddle House till 4:00 a.m. Guh.

I ♥ texting: 326 so far this billing cycle (started 19 January 2010); 2200+ last cycle. Less than an hour of phone time, though. Haaa.

I am fast learning to hate my uncle, however. He's a deadbeat, white trash piece of garbage. I used to think he was hilarious. Now that his trailer's been re-po'ed (yes, really) and he's tested positive for cocaine twice now, he's not so funny. Especially when my two cousins are subject to his pitiful bullshit.

Ugh. DHR on speed dial. Goddamnit.

• 108 Creation.Sustenance.Destruction.
• Snapcase Progression Through Unlearning
• XFilesX Excruciation
• Indecision Release The Cure
• Hatebreed Satisfaction Is The Death Of Desire
• Farside The Monroe Doctrine

I don't really ever post playlists because I feel like it's a cry for some kind of weird attention/approval. Like, "Look what I listen to. It's so different than/so much like what you listen to."

I don't think I'll keep it up. Those albums have been on repeat, lately, though.

I like this a lot:

Crayola Color Chart, 1903-2010

i want ice cream.

Today's been good. Relatively uneventful.

Just made myself some vegan mac and cheese. My faaaav:

One of the best batches I've cooked up to date, I think. My 'pecial wecipe. Top secret. I made enough for the rest of the week. Tonight, I had mock chicken salad on a whole wheat bagel and some tangerine Juicy Juice with it. Yum!

Bed soon, probably. I slept like shit last night.

it looks pretty alien.

I spent the day with Judy and the kids. I suppose I should preface this video by explaining that I was a nanny for this family for nearly ten years. David, the oldest, has juvenile diabetes and a pretty mild form of autism called Asperger's Syndrome. His social skills aren't so great--I get him and happen to think he's hilarious; not everyone does--but he's a genius. Literally.

Today, he was showing me his Lego Creation Lab/fort under his bunkbed and some of his contraptions. This is the Agent Sniperdrone Jet/Tank he built. Himself.

He's amazing. There's nothing else to it. The stories I have about this kid are so good.

Anyway. We had Tin Drum and saw Sherlock Holmes. I liked it.

EDV and I saw Daybreakers last night. Also liked that. But I might be the only one. Ha.

Should be lesson planning. Not interested.

later . . .

Cleaning some. I can see my kitchen table for the first time in months for all the drawings:

Now, if I could just finish something . . .

And since everyone's crazy about playlists and crap, here's what I've been listening to whilst cleaning:

• 108 Creation.Sustenance.Destruction. (disc 1)
• Gorilla Biscuits Start Today
• Cartel Chroma
• The Get Up Kids Something To Write Home About

Ugh. I don't feel so good. Making lunch.

Also, my mom called me a freak for playing Scrabble online and forbade me from making fun of her obsession with Bejeweled ever again.

really?

Was searching, "How to find previous owners of home," on Google, and this came up:

Just typing in, "How to . . . " followed by various letters of the alphabet is pretty entertaining. I had a conversation with a co-worker about it the other day.

Anyway. Last night was good. Stopped by the Mammoth Grinder show and hung around the Warehouse till like, 2:00. "Shake it like a dick." Uuhhhhh? Soo funny.

Today has been pretty great, too. Woke up at a decent time. Got free coffee. Breakfast and groceries at Whole Foods. Sucked into Target for at least an hour. Lots of texting.

Maybe hanging out with Judy and the kids later? Plans with EDV tonight. McDonough for the first time in months.

Need to clean my kitchen. Badly.

furlough perdue.

Updated: Perdue budget: Teachers face 3 more furlough days in next six months

12:26 pm January 15, 2010, by Aaron Gould Sheinin

Gov. Sonny Perdue just released his budget proposals for the remainder of the current fiscal year and the 12 months starting July 1. The headline: pain.

Public K-12 education faces an additional 3 percent cut in the current fiscal 2010 budget, while most all other state agencies must find 8 to 9 percent to cut before June 30. All state employees, including teachers, must take three furlough days before June 30.

Perdue’s amended 2010 budget stands at $17.4 billion, down from the $18.6 billion plan he and lawmakers agreed to last year.

The 2011 budget, which takes effect July 1, is projected to be $18.2 billion.

More to come.

Update 1:40 p.m.: The good news for teachers, and all state employees, is that Perdue’s 2011 budget does not include additional furloughs.

The overall picture for K-12 education is not entirely clear, either.

For example, in both 2010 and 2011 budgets, schools overall will receive more money, largely thanks to federal stimulus funds.

But the basic funding mechanism for schools, the Quality Basic Education funding formula, shows a $450 million reduction the rest of 2010 and $527 million in cuts for 2011.

Of that $450 million in 2010, about half of it comes from the teacher furloughs (roughly $30 million a day in savings) and through increased health care costs for teachers, administration and staff, leaving about $218 million in actual programmatic cuts.

It also appears as if nearly all state employees will be paying more for health care, or already are as the governor has pushed agencies to implement cuts for the past several months as monthly revenues have plunged.

Update 1:49 p.m.: As expected, there are no tax increases in either budget, but there is at least one new source of revenue, a sort of “bed tax” charged to hospitals and a fee on managed care providers. Together those fees will raise about $345 million and will largely go to fund increased Medicaid costs.

Perdue said he is also tapping a Georgia Environmental Facilities Authority fund for more than $200 million through a series of bond market transactions.

Update 2:23 p.m.: The Department of Corrections, which some observers already consider to be at a crisis point, will see nearly $36 million of its $987 million budget cut this year and another $12 million in 2011.

Update 2:28 p.m.: In terms of state tax revenues, Perdue is estimated that individual income tax collections will increase by about $350 million in 2011 to $7.52 billion and state sales tax collections to growth about $200 million to $5.28 billion. Corporate income taxes would see a modest $5 million increase to $580 million in 2011.

Tobacco and motor fuel taxes would both see slight declines, according to Perdue’s revenue estimates.

More to come.

_______________________________________________

I found out while on the phone with my mom this morning. I was at Whole Foods getting breakfast and she actually prefaced the news with a disclaimer of sorts: "Have you seen the front page of the paper? No, you haven't. You don't read the paper (She knows I don't read/watch the news; I think it's all bullshit, propaganda, wrought with scare tactics). Well . . . just . . . don't start cussing. You're in public." And then she told me.

Again: Wow.

Fucked up on so many levels, for so many reasons. Backwards. Maybe I'll get into it later. I'm just not in the mood now.

Davey Crockett is pissing me off, too.

I want new, nicer clothes. Not fancy or exorbitantly expensive; I've never been a big fan of wearing brands or designers. Just better-made.

Project Runway was good last night. Excited it's started again.

Headache. Always headaches.

goddamnit.

My bed was entirely too soft and warm and perfect this morning. God.

Kindergarten cracked me up, as usual. I love reading to them. And I was in a pretty great mood for the better part of my day.

My high spirits came crashing down at the end of fourth grade, though. A kid that a lot of people would probably consider, "bad," asked me if he could tell me something after class. He motioned for me to lean down so that he could cup his hands around my ear and tell me, like it was a secret. This kind of thing has happened enough in my career as a teacher thus far that I'm accustomed to some silly exchange and me and my student going on with our days. But I was wholly unprepared for what I heard next:

My brother dead.

"Seriously??" Was all I could say. I was sort of dumb-founded. And this is from a kid who already lost one older brother. I made sure he wasn't just re-telling a story he thought I hadn't heard. But he clarified pretty quickly that, no, this was his twelve year old brother. He was caught in a drive-by.

HIS TWELVE YEAR OLD BROTHER.

I asked him if he was alright and he told me yes, without batting an eye. He said he was fine; that is not fine. It is not okay to be okay with a sibling dying. That shit stopped my mental function in its tracks. I lost the ability to speak proper English for at least twenty minutes and sort of stared into space. Apparently, I was the first person he'd told. I kind of ushered him back to his homeroom and then to the counselor's office.

After I got back to my room, my capacities kicked into high gear and my mind starting racing. I knew already that in second grade this kid had been at home, hiding in his closet with a fucking baseball bat while his brother was shot downstairs over a couple hundred bucks. He found his brother.

Now, this? Really? And that's ignoring that he's got a mom who locks herself in the bedroom with boyfriend and leaves him to take care of the baby. He asks to stay at school almost everyday during dismissal.

It sounds like a bad Lifetime made-for-TV movie, I know. I know. But it's not.

I told a friend--who shall remain nameless--after work and his first reaction was, "I know this is going to piss you off, but . . . black people."

That detail is somehow simultaneously the least and most important factor in this fucked up story.

On an individual scale, it is my ten year old student who will deal with the repercussions of these deaths and their means for the rest of his life. He's stuck. Color, socio-economic status, anything but age is totally fucking irrelevant when the focus is on him.

But when the scope is widened to the entire community and its history, and you trace the missteps and wrongdoings and fucked up circumstances back to their roots, to their ultimate end, in all probability (and in my firm opinion) . . . the desperation that led to both of those murders--and has subsequently left this kid scarred for life--is a distant result of some inequality established and perpetuated by white people. A centuries-old chain reaction. Domino Effect. Whatever. With a finger pointed squarely at the easiest target.

I don't give a fuck if that makes you mad. Shove it.

Lots of serious stuff in here lately. Oh, the irony.

Unexpected, awesome phone call last night.

Dunno if I'm going to the show this evening. I'm tired. I need dinner.

(was) fuming.

WOW. Just . . . wow:

Gov. Wants Change In How Teachers Are Paid

Posted: 10:09 am EST January 12, 2010

Updated: 10:54 am EST January 12, 2010

Comment On This Story ››

ATLANTA -- Gov. Sonny Perdue is calling for legislation that would pay Georgia's teachers based on student performance, not their advanced degrees.

Perdue says the state's current system rewards teachers for their level of education instead of classroom achievement.

He announced the proposal Tuesday at the annual Eggs and Issues Breakfast presented by the Georgia Chamber of Commerce. It was the governor's final address to the group, as he enters his final year in office.

Perdue also renewed his vow to reach an agreement with the governors of Florida and Alabama on water use before all three leaders leave office -- and possibly by the end of the legislative session. He left open the possibility of a special session later this year to address the issue.

_______________________________________

Forget the fact that this breaking news got no more than TWO SENTENCES of media attention in a state with some of the lowest standardized test scores and highest dropout rates in the nation. Forget that parents play a huge role in their child's academic success. Forget all that.

First, we're furloughed--in lieu of he and his cronies taking a paycut, of course. And now, this. Genius! Eliminate the incentive for teachers to continue their education. Make it even less desirable for the typical (spineless/brainless/tactless) teacher to work in schools like mine for fear of the achievement gap driving down her wages; thus making some semblance of consistency for my kids that much harder to come by. Resulting in more jaded kids and daunting working conditions = fewer teachers willing to teach here = the cycle continues/that legendary achievement gap crumbles into a fucking canyon.

And while you're at it, let's keep pretending that students on the Southside are on a level playing field in the so-called Game of Life. You know, the ones that come to school without breakfast . . . or a fucking coat? Because when you're freezing and hungry, you should still be able to take--and ACE--the same test the kid with a brand new, fur-lined, down Abercrombie jacket and belly full of McDonald's breakfast takes, right? Riiiiight . . .

GO FUCK YOURSELF. We'll talk when you take a couple of furlough days yourself and agree to let the opinion polls and/or unemployment rate determine your salary for the remainder of your term. Thanks.

Anyway.

The show last night was ah-mazing. One of the better at the Warehouse, to date; and I might've had the best seat in the house. Good, long talk with EDV. Also, I'm pretty sure I earned the Mama Bear title I was given by a former enemy. I like it. I had an excellent night.

I was thinking for just a second last night, too, that I don't ever want to get married. I just wanna be a hardcore kid forever. Ha.

Going home, now.

the moon is down.

Yesterday was amazing. Perfection.

Apples and peanut butter for lunch.

Drove home from work with snow falling.

Got a call from Wolf Camera at 3141 Piedmont Road; photos I took this summer were developed and back in. Here are a couple of those:



That particular store happens to be down the street from my folks' house, so I stopped by and we looked through the stack of black and whites I had. Eight rolls total.

Visited Borders afterward in the hopes of finding my long-lost Further Seems Forever disc. No such luck. Procured two new books in its stead:



and

Both overdue purchases.

Home afterward for in-bed reading, Farside, and Bon Iver.

Fell dead asleep and was awakened shortly after by a phone call from our Librarian telling me school was cancelled for Friday. Turned my alarms off and fell my ass right back to sleep.

So good. SO goood.

Today has been equally uneventful. Watched Davey discover and subsequently lick snow. Was funny. Breakfast early and back to bed till 2:00. More apples and PB. Coffee, too. Scanned some photos (my scanner/MS Paint really don't do them justice, though; I'll probably finish that at Mom and Dad's sometime).

Involved in an experiment with a member of the opposite sex. He is wholly unaware, however, of said experiment. And I don't really know what the fuck I'm doing. Game-playing fucking sucks, but part of me is convinced it's a necessary evil. Jesus. I'm so bad at this.

Had a dream that two of my very favorite boys sold out last night? And that some stranger got the dogshit sniped out of him right in front of me. Weird. Lots of those lately.

Longest post in a while, huh?? That will be coming to an immediate, emergency halt.

spare time.

Drawings I did today to facilitate procrastination:

Maybe painting this afternoon/evening. I really want these in a triptych frame, with the words, "I'll drown with you," in the center opening. I doubt anyone gets that, but I don't give a fuck. The boar's head kind of pisses me off; it looks more like a pig and a wolf got busy. I'll probably draw it twelve more times and hate it just as much. HAAA.

Still owe Eddie S. another piece. Still trying to come up with something good.

It's 3:00. Grades are in. Fuck off.

ftw.

I can't use my new Flip camera with my county laptop, goddamnit. And my desktop is slow as shit. I need my own laptooopppp. Hello, tax return.

Teacher workday and my principal is actually letting us use it to plan. No professional learning, no workshops, no speakers. I am in awe. And ridiculously excited. I wish I had my iHome with me. And some sweat pants.

I was in an awful mood at bedtime last night; for no good reason, as usual. Things took a turn for the better right before I fell asleep, though. Had a reconciliation of sorts:

I'm not mad at you or anything.

Good good good to hear. It's funny, too: when I was upset, one of the first things I thought was, "I need my students." This time last year, my job was the root of most of my stress. Things change so much. I like it.

A list of other things I like right now:

• painting my nails almost-orange red;
• Davey Crockett;
• texting;
• alone time;
• hot showers;
• my long hair;
• Scrabble (forever), FreeRice, Apples to Apples;
• standing back and watching your shit crash and burn.

Will be cleaning my classroom, lesson planning, and submitting grades today. Hanging artwork if I have time, too.

weird dreams.

Tryyying to clean house. Easily distracted and somewhat unmotivated. Not good.

But I've acquired a lot of cool furniture/paintings/miscellaneous household items recently and I want to arrange them in a straight house.

One of them is this little red occasional table I saw discarded at Pete's house months ago. When he asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I said I wanted the red table. He brought it over yesterday.

Yay! I love it.

Also convinced my mom to give me the paintings of my gramma and great aunt she has at the house and another old rose painting with a really great frame.

Lots of facebooking and texting lately. I like it.

Back to work Monday. Kids back Tuesday. Miss themmm.

Should get back to cleaning. Ughghughroignrfgolnfg.