top of the third inning.

I just took part in the following conversation with a gentleman that I am particularly fond of but have a really hard time getting in touch with. See if you can figure out why he's so difficult to get ahold of:

ME: Did you call me last night?

HIM: [Who] is this?

ME: ?

HIM: . . . Kelly?

ME: I had a missed call from you at like, 1:30 last night.

HIM: My insane roomate ex took my phone from me last nite i'm not sure who this is? I dont have a name saved to this #. [sic]

ME: Whaaat? I'm confused. Can you call me?

HIM: Yeah i get off at 6. Can u say who u r tho? [sic]

ME: This is Kelly.

HIM: Ok i thot so. She was giving me shit about u did she talk to u las nite? [sic]

ME: I guess? I don't know. I got a text from you--or who I thought was you--sometime last night and talked for a little while. Nothing much. Although 'you' told me that you're back together with *******. Then I woke up and had a missed call. Now I don't know who I'm talking to or who I talked to last night.

HIM: Its me she steals my phone and talks to people as me trying to stir up shit or [see] if im lying/cheating on her. But shes gone too far lately im sure im moving out this weekend. [sic]

ME: Good God. Seriously? Did you even get the text I sent you while I was in Charleston this week? Or did she intercept that one too?

HIM: Nope in fact after that fight we had months ago about us hanging out she deleted u [from] my phone so i havent had ur number.

Are you fucking kidding me? It's ironic that the opportunity to expound upon my distaste for miserable fucking girls--who manipulate their boyfriends in some backwards attempt to make themselves feel better/make everyone around them as unhappy as they--has presented itself, because I've been thinking about it a lot lately. "Abusively clingy," is what Klint calls it. Goddamnit.

The combination of compulsion and desperation and insecurity is . . . disgusting. Don't get me wrong, I've been there before. But only for one boy. And never again.

And for the record, I have never assumed anyone's identity to dig up imaginary scandal or deleted anyone's phone numbers, emails, facebook or MySpace friends. Thanks.

Game's on.

Eatin' grapes and strawberries and nori all day today.